I know you have probably heard of the term "Inner-Child" before but do you really know what it is or what it means?
Who really is the inner child?
Where is the inner child located?
How to find the inner child?
Why is the inner child scared, angry or insecure?
What to do with your inner child?
Well, here I am to break it down to you in the simplest way.
Let's go...
So, we all have an inner child, it's part of our subconscious mind. Our inner-child is considered to be the part that is actually (ironically) the oldest because, it has been with us since birth. We call it Inner-child because our childhood memories and experiences are massively important in our emotional and mental development.
From the moment we are born until middle-school, it is the period where we shape our identity and form our most rooted belief systems. Positive and negative experiences during this time, leave a deep mark in our personality and even though we grow up to forget some of these memories, the actual experiences forever remain in our subconscious. Hence why we call it our inner-child.
Inner-child is the part that holds on to past experiences and old beliefs.
How is The Inner-Child Wounded?
If the impact of negative emotions has remained unresolved, then our inner-child is in pain and wounded. A wounded inner-child is stuck with negative experiences and deals with unpleasant feelings.
Let’s say, as a child we were scolded and physically punished every time we made a mistake, even though we have grown up and learned to avoid making mistakes (which is a form of self-destructive cycle since mistakes are inevitable and a part of life), our inner-child would still be living in fear of being punished again. As a result of those fears and insecurities, we could end up becoming adults with low self-esteem and fearful of making decisions. From this point onwards we can get triggered by anything and anyone that reminds us of our negative childhood memories or feelings.
You have probably experienced your inner-child or have witnessed it in others by their observing certain behaviours;
An angry inner-child would result in someone behaving immaturely, throwing tantrums, feeling unsafe and threatened while also acting out, being defensive and needing tons of attention and validation.
A scared inner-child can make you behave fearfully, pushing you to withdraw and be afraid of taking risks, living with anxiety and always on alert.
An inner-child who has the "I am unlovable" belief system would believe that they are not worthy of love and care, therefore the adult self can engage in people-pleasing tendencies, have low self-confidence, lack strong or healthy boundaries and have a deep fear of abandonment.
The inner-child seeks situations and patterns that validates those negative belief systems therefore, the adult self would keep repeating negative cycles; engaging in perfectionism, co-dependency, a variety of addictions (including but not limited to drugs, alcohol and toxic relationships) and other self-destructive behaviours.
The Conflict...
Whatever the Inner-child believes, leads to our most crucial conflicts in adulthood. So, we find ourselves in a loop, wanting to be confident but strongly believing we are not worthy, wanting to be loved but getting into toxic relationships, wanting to cultivate healthy habits but falling back into self-blame and guilt.
How Do we heal an Inner-Child?
Inner-child work is complex and requires effort and commitment. However, once you get in to it you find yourself enjoying it more and more. It is exactly like developing a new relationship.
You need consistency, loyalty and care.
To heal an inner-child you have to begin re-parenting and changing negative core beliefs. It is normal for your wounded inner child not to trust you at first (again it is normal, so do not worry!) due to the fact the wounded inner child has experienced neglect, abuse or betrayal of some sort.
To raise a healthy and happy inner-child you need to:
Firstly, acknowledge and validate your inner child.
Secondly, gain back trust.
You need to constantly show up and be present with your inner child.
Pay attention to the needs and feelings of your inner child.
Be gentle and know it is okay to make mistakes along the way.